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Thread: Penis joke!

  1. #1

    Default Penis joke!

    So a mouse and his elephant friend are walking through the forest when all of a sudden the mouse falls into a huge pit. The Elephant tells him not to worry and throws him his penis to use like a rope and climb to safety.

    Later in the day, the elephant falls into a huge pit and can't get out. The mouse tells him not to worry as he races away for help. He comes back with his Porsche and is able to pull his buddy out of the pit with a rope attached to the bumper.

    Moral of the story: You don't need a big dick if you have a Porsche.

    Don't hate me, it's in the forum funnies.
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  2. #2
    Super Moderator gunny's Avatar
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    Funny... not...
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  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by gunny View Post
    Funny... not...
    Sorry, Gunny. Pretty bad I know. But the funny part isn't wasn't supposed to be the joke.
    Tough times don't last. Tough people do.

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  4. #4
    Super Moderator gunny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geoff Levine View Post
    Sorry, Gunny. Pretty bad I know. But the funny part isn't wasn't supposed to be the joke.
    OK..as long as it wasn't suppose to be a joke.. I was about ready to order you to go slap yourself!!
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  5. #5
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    Default I'm gonna be here all week if anyone wants to buy tickets!

    A little boy and girl are in a bathtub, and are naked because they are too little too understand anything like that. The girl and boy ask each other: "What's that?" and they both reply: "I'll ask my parents."

    So the boy goes home and asks his dad what it is. The dad looks solemnly at him and says: "Son, that's your car. You park it in a girls garage."

    The girl goes home and says: "what's that?" The mother says: "That's your garage. dont let any boy park his car in it."

    The next day they are again in the tub. The boy says its a car and remembers what his dad said. So he begins to put it in the girls "garage". But then the girl remembers what her mom said.

    5 minutes later, the girl comes to the mom with blood all over her. The mother asks her what was wrong and she said: "Mommy, a boy tried to put his car in my garage, but I popped his two back tires
    I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
    not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

  6. #6
    Super Moderator gunny's Avatar
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    Obviously the pecker jokes on LDC suck...
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  7. #7

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    A guy walked into a bar with a 1 foot tall man playing the piano on his shoulder and carrying a magic lamp. The bartender asks if he can borrow the magic lamp for just one wish. The man agrees and hands it over.

    The bartender rubs it and the Genie comes out. He wishes for a million bucks. The Genie nods his head and instantly the bar is filled with a million ducks, quacking away. The bartender hands the lamp back and yells, "what kind of stupid Genie is this?", and the man replies, "He's hard of hearing! Do you think i asked for a 12 inch pianist?".
    Tough times don't last. Tough people do.

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  8. #8
    Super Moderator gunny's Avatar
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    OK..seeing that the pecker jokes here really suck.. I decided a reprint of one I did a few years back is in order:

    The Marine Corps found they had too many officers & senior enlisted men. It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

    They promised any officer or senior enlisted man who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any 2 points in his body. Those applying got to choose what those 2 points would be.

    The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. he was measured at 6 feet & walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

    The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and sked to be measuerd from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked off with $96,000.

    The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sergeant Major who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, From the tip of my penis to my testicles."

    It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous officers had received.

    But the old Marine insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

    The medical officer arrived and instructed the Sergeant Major to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of his penis and began to work back. Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"

    The old Sergeant major calmly replied, "Vietnam".
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  9. #9
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    If you would like to see Gunny live he will be at Yuk-Yuks comedy club in a city near you!
    I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
    not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

  10. #10

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    A Gunny and and his corporal were cleaning rifles one afternoon, after a couple of hours of cleaning, the Gunny opened a can of beer, the corporal noticed and asked, "Gunny, can I have a sip of your beer?" His Gunny looked at him and said, "Corporal, Is your penis long enough to touch your ass?" The corporal replied, "No!"

    "Then you don't rank sharing my beer.", said the Gunny.

    A couple of more hours went by, and the Gunny lit a cigarette. Again the corporal noticed and asked, "Gunny, can I have a cigarette"? The Gunny replied, "Is your penis long enough to touch your asshole?" Again the corporal replied, "No!"

    "Well you don't rank smoke'n with me.", said the Gunny.

    About an hour had passed and it began to get late, so the Gunny decided to pack it up and head back to the barracks. On their way home they stopped at a store, Gunny bought two lottery tickets and gave his corporal one. Gunny scratched his off, but didn't win anything, The corporal scratched his off and won $10,000. Gunny was all happy and surprised that his corporal had won and he asked, "Are you going to give some of that money to your Gunny?" The corporal looked at him and replied, "Gunny, is your penis big enough to touch your ass?" Gunny looked at him for a moment, then replied, "YES!"

    "Good, then go fuck yourself!", said the corporal.
    Tough times don't last. Tough people do.

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  11. #11

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    Read the first elephant and mouse joke and it reminded me of this one:



    One day a mouse came upon an elephant in the jungle who had gotten a thorn in its foot.
    The mouse felt sorry for the elephant, and pulled the thorn out.
    The elephant was indeed grateful, and offered the mouse anything it wanted in return for the good deed.
    The mouse, noticing that the elephant was female, and feeling rather randy at the time, said: “Well, I’ve always wanted to fuck an elephant.”
    The elephant laughed and laughed, and said:”No problem.” and raised the mouse up to her back with her trunk.
    The mouse walked to the back of the elephant, who held her tail out of the way, and got started.
    Just then a coconut fell from a palm tree and hit the elephant on the head. “Ouch.” She said.

    The mouse said: “Take it all, bitch!”

  12. #12
    Super Moderator gunny's Avatar
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    Default 3 Sailors, 12 Inches

    3 Sailors enjoying fleet Week in the Big Apple. They run into the Donald at a strip club and Donald buys them all a round..then another...and another.. soon all including Donald were feeling no pain... Donald in a fit of good humor and generosity offers the 3 Sailors 10k a piece under one condition...

    All 3 Peckers must equal to 12 inches or more. A hair shorter no $$$.

    So the 1st Sailor, Kozak, whips his wang out for the tape and bam! 6 inches ! Halfway there.

    The 2nd Sailor, Luff, really feeling no pain whips it out, 4 inches!!! 2 to go!!!

    It's now up to Levine. He unzips... it falls out... the measurement?? 2 INCHES!!!! $10k each!!! Thanks to the Donald's generosity & Levine squeaking it in.

    Aboard ship, the 3 Sailors are bragging on their story to their mates...

    Damn I sure am glad my pecker measured 6 inches proudly brags Kozak

    Yeah, and I am glad my came in at 4 inches chimes Luff

    Well you both should really be elated that I had a hard-on beams Levine!
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  13. #13

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    I feel like the mouse with the elephant, but without a Porsche. I like the coconut dropping.

    Leaving boot camp and waiting at the airport, this young stud Marine, Kozak, had to hit the head(restroom). As he was walking away from the urinal and out the door, some nosy sailor boy dressed in his pretty whites, yells at Kozak, "Didn't the Marine Corps teach you to wash your hands after pissing?". Kozak barked back, "No, the Marine Corps taught us not to piss on our hands!".

    One shot, one kill. Never miss, never will!
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  14. #14
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    not very funny a little out of the joke topic

  15. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by karim101 View Post
    not very funny a little out of the joke topic
    I think it went over your "head". Back to topic for you.
    Tough times don't last. Tough people do.

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