Joke for the Day

[Michele- Vendor Relations]

Obedient Wife
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his
money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to
take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money
to the after life with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when
he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting
there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready
to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the
casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that
money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied,"Listen, I'm a Christian. I can't go back on my
word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket
with him."

" You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my
account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

[Michael-Admin]

http://limos.com/graemlins/smilielol.gif

[LA Limousines (David)]

Reminds me of a religion joke I heard:

3 men of the cloth were talking to each other, A Cathloic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Evangelical preacher. The talk made it's way, as such things do, to the topic of tithes.

The priest said, "we figure out what goes to God, and what goes to the Church by drawing a circle on the floor, tossing the collection money up in the air, and what lands outside the circle goes to God."

The minister said, "we also draw a circle, only when we toss up the collection, what lands inside the circle goes to God."

The preacher said, "Y'all know sumthin? We do practically the same thing, only we throw the collection in the air, and whatever God catches, he keeps."

[JHJ]

Heard this one a little differently. Poor John died and in the mourning three of his closest friends, a doctor, a minister and a lawyer, discovered that they had each borrowed $5,000 from him. Feeling badly that they had not repaid him during his lifetime, they resolved to place each of their repayments in his casket. As the mourners mingled at the funeral home the doctor approached the casket and tucked an envelope with $5,000 cash into the folds of the fabric and extend his apologies to poor John. Shortly, the minister also approached the casket and tucked his envelope with $5,000 cash into the folds of the fabric and extended his sincerest apology. Eventually, the lawyer approached the casket and tucked an envelope in the folds of the fabric and took the other two envelopes, patting poor John and weeping his apology. The lawyer's wife asked him why he took two envelopes from the casket, and the lawyer told her about each of them owing poor John $5,000 and that they were repaying his kindness. Not understanding why he took two of the envelopes, he told her that he had written John a check for $15,000 and simply took the change.


Originally posted by Michele- Vendor Relations:
Obedient Wife
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his
money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to
take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money
to the after life with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when
he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting
there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready
to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the
casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that
money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied,"Listen, I'm a Christian. I can't go back on my
word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket
with him."

" You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my
account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

[JHJ]

And while we're on the subject of religion:

Two Irish women were walking down the street together and stopped to talk, it so happened, in front of the local house of ill repute. In a few minutes, a Protestant minister walked up, shot a few glances around, and entered the house. The two Irish women looked at each other and commented what a shame it was that a man of the cloth would frequent such an establishment, tsk tsking. Shortly, a Rabbi walked up, glanced furtively around, and quickly entered the house. Again, the two Irish women looked at each oither, clucked their tongues, and lamented that a man of the cloth should frequent such an establishment. It wasn't long before a Catholic priest strode up, paused not a second and walked into the house. The one Irish woman said to the other, "Ahhhhh, 'tis Father John - for sure somebody is sick in that house."


Originally posted by LA Limousines (David):
Reminds me of a religion joke I heard:

3 men of the cloth were talking to each other, A Cathloic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Evangelical preacher. The talk made it's way, as such things do, to the topic of tithes.

The priest said, "we figure out what goes to God, and what goes to the Church by drawing a circle on the floor, tossing the collection money up in the air, and what lands outside the circle goes to God."

The minister said, "we also draw a circle, only when we toss up the collection, what lands inside the circle goes to God."

The preacher said, "Y'all know sumthin? We do practically the same thing, only we throw the collection in the air, and whatever God catches, he keeps."

[Michael-Admin]

Two Irish men are walking out of a bar ...
No, really, it happened!

(thats the joke)

[JHJ]

Originally posted by Viperion Corporation / Limos.com:
Two Irish men are walking out of a bar ...
No, really, it happened!

(thats the joke)

God created the Irish to govern the world, and then he made liquor so they couldn't.

[gunny]

Jean the Chauffeur blows a tire in front of a mental institution.
She pulls out the jack & spare and proceeds to change the tire.
She places the lug nuts in the hubcap & pulls the flat tire off.
It slips out of her hands hitting the hubcap sending all the luguts down a sewer drain.
Jean becomes very despondent and starts pacing trying to figure out what to do.

In the meantime a patient behind the fence has observed all & tries to get Jeans attention.
"Hey Lady" he keeps calling with Jean ignoring him.

Finally, out of fustration Jean faces the patient saying, "what do you want?"

The patient replies, "Lady, all you have to do is take one lugnut off each wheel and that'll hold you until you get to a garage."

Jean ponders this for a few seconds agreeing that it made sense & would work.

She looks at the patient apologizes for her behavior and agrees that this was a great idea. She follows up with a "what are you doing doing in a place like this type question"

The patient replies, "Hey lady I'm crazy! Knowbody ever said I was Stupid!"